Sawxyz

The Trouble with Luv

2009-10-28T01:29:00.004+08:00

"The trouble with love is it can tear you up inside. Make your heart believe a lie, gets stronger then your pride... It doesn't care how fast you fall. And you can't refuse the call. See you've got no say at all",

song from The Trouble with Love.

Obviously I'm not much of a lovely or even doting person to begin with. I've been through numerous relationships that baffled me. Most of them are only two, three months short. Haha. Don't get me wrong but when I thought about all the wrong choices that I made, over the good ones. I'm actually blessed that I involved myself in complicated relationships rather than those typical mushy-mushy fairy tale romance fantasy.

What motivates me to get over boys was myself. I kept telling myself that "life's too short to be serious about, so I'll always be flirting and mingling." And so the concept goes on, and on. I'll never declare myself to be in a serious relationship with anyone. Anyone. Because this is a big commitment, coming from a seventeen year old girl. As long as I'm still living with my parents, they're my only commitment. And a commitment is something that you will be attached to, almost for the rest of your life.

What disgusts me is that.. Uno, romance bores me. It's just like a movie genre. All it does is make you cry. It's so sensitive and soft and come on. You only want your relationships to end up in a happy ending like those movies, right? Because this is life, it's reality. People aren't always concerned about love 24/7. It gets kind of boring and effortless for nothing.

Another disgusting thought is that dos, couples. What's up with the terms "forever" and "only one"?! Marriage is a different term but I'm pointing out to teenage couples this days. These words are so fashionable. "I love you, forever", "tIlL dEaTh Do Us PaRt" and.. "Gurlfran/Boifran's only one". I can place a bet that if that couple doesn't stay true for at least seven years or until they get married, they're just plain bullshit. And it's humorous because these things are coming from kids! Teenagers and youths. Why can't they just draw out the bigger picture that they're only in a relationship. Not a life-time commitment such as a marriage? And what's with the pet names such as "hubby" and "wifey". Baby is enough lah. You have not even tied a knot to be calling each other spouses. And if he's your hubby and she's your wifey, how come you're still living with your parents. Do you fulfill your responsibilities as a spouse? No. I bet you don't even know any.

The fact is that people like us are still minors.

Forcing ourself to believe that they're really the only ones we need and can trust. That is such a narrowed concept. I mean, how sure of yourself are you. Out of the estimated six billion people on earth, why are you so convinced that your "steady" haha, is the one you see yourself tying a knot with. It's really a vague picture. Because when they break up, they get emotional and disturbed they turn this love into hate, expressing anger because that person doesn't want you back or had his/her feelings changed. It's really not their fault. I think it's only human to make mistakes in life. Oh well, this is just my two cents worth.

But don't mistake me. I'm happy to be in a relationship. I'm in it for the experience. But I'm not really sure if I found the proper term of what "love" means, and how to express it to him. But it's definitely not about sex and money. Commonly, a lot of people seek and demand for that in their relationships. How weird is the world today?

luvv, Saw

You cannot ride my bike with the handlebars

2009-10-21T18:41:00.003+08:00

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
With a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.
I can give you death with the look upon my face.

(EMMURE)

2009-08-01T04:00:00.000+08:00

I'll try my best to explain the situation, but there's only one way that I know how.
So listen up, now.
I will show no sympathy any chance I get I'm gonna pour salt in your wounds.
After you forgive me tell me why should I Ever fucking care.

I know this sounds too familiar.

You would kill to be where I am.

Choices you make they will haunt you to your grave.
This will haunt you to the grave.
You, you're trying your hardest it makes me fucking sick.
Your sad fate.
I'm not the only one laughing at your fucking mistakes and I don't really gotta tell you 'cause you already know.
You are beneath me...

I came out on top.

I only mean half of what I say.

(MAYBE/ WOULD'VE BEEN)

2009-07-17T02:28:00.003+08:00

Twenty nine minutes past two on a Friday morning and my eyes can't seem to peel off the screen. I didn't want to update this useless blog but since Kyn intends to read it, I might as well make it seem a little less dull. *waves hands* Hi Kyn chai. It's been awhile since I last saw you.

No, I will not talk about a bitchy boyfriend, Marina Sq's stair's death-stare trap, Happy Meals and young girls who were badly influenced by our local malay gangsters (mats and minah reps). Let's talk about you since you're bailing me out on shopping today *jelings kat kau*

Ini akan menjadi tambahan yang amat membosankan pada blog aku yang telah lama mati. Kini engkau semakin sibuk dengan kehidupan kau.. *mengeluh* Engkau sudah jarang bertemuan aku. Aku rindu masa dahulu apabila semua bersembang di Bedok Reservoir lalu menikmati keindahan alam semula jadi. Berlompat-lompat seperti katak lalu memetik beberapa juta gambar (part tu bohong) menggunakan kamera kau. Selain itu, aku rindu masa dahulu kami di East Coast secara ramai dan minum minuman keras hingga mabuk, hanya engkau dan Loq sahaja yang trip. HUAHUAHUA! (Kay, part tu nak kacau kau je). Apa lagi..? Hmm. Aku juga masih ingat masa dahulu apabila kau menelefon ku waktu aku sedang lenyak tidur setakat berbual tentang Miley Cyrus! Kami juga asyik dikejar polis hidup seperti "thug life". Hahaha. Cerita antara aku dengan kau amat panjang sekali hingga aku menjadi bosan ingin berfikiran tetang ini lagi.. Zzz. Aku rindu kau lah siaaaaaaaa. Cheebs. Tu je. Hahaha. Have fun reading this in malay.

(220 AND PROUD)

2009-07-06T04:25:00.003+08:00

If there was a Wrestling Barbie, it would be Trish Stratus.
Former WWE Women's Champion.

Her coach was Finlay. I mean, wtf did he do to her.

She's not a wrestler but she'd sure make a good one.
Lol, kidding. A little too skimpy and tall but her pacs are so pretty.

Want it? Work for it!
Sorry, I'm not even straight to begin with. I just love hot bods.

(AKU BUKAN UNTUK MU)

2009-07-02T00:59:00.002+08:00

If she's selling sex.. I'd buy it.

Megan Fox.

(KEDONG JONG)

2009-06-30T21:30:00.004+08:00

Happy birthday, Hafizzaye Aleley.
(Baru sixteen tapi da boleh lepas beli rokok Singapore apa.)

Kau jangan action ah eh, orang sini stress pasal O' levels kau masih nak step chilling-chilling baby. Better suck it up and study hard, kay. Lepas O' kalau aku ada duit aku tag band kau kay g tour? Hahaha. Oh and favor eh, heighten your standard taste buds dooood. Aku tanak tengok member aku matair ngan babi pakai skirt. Lol. Dah 16 jangan lupakan aku tau. Love ya, dick. XOXO.

*rubs pinky finger and moans*

Oh and not forgetting Mmmmizam's birthday.
(My beer buddy.)

Sorry Mizam aku amik gambar sembarang. Haha.
Happy birthday, my faithful beer buddy..

Yang lepak rabak suka baring-baring bukak baju abe tunjuk punat.
Abe tengok Coming Soon ngan aku sampai terbaring-baring terpekik bangau..

Never really expected you of all person to entertain me actually. Haha.
Thanks ah. And happy birthday. Kau semakin tua tapi takpe ah..

;)

(NO FINGER)

2009-06-29T14:18:00.004+08:00

Matt Dallas.
(or known as your Kyle XY)

Shia Labeouf.

Personally, I think they're attractive with a little bit of moustache and beard. In my opinion I think they look more matured but then again, which girl would want to kiss a pair of hairy lips? Lol. How is yours, Joe?

*winks*

.. Yes I am very obsessed with seeing my own boyfriend growing a hairy lip.
It's just so hard for me to imagine how he'll look like.
XOXO.

Though I prefer my old baby where he doesn't grow these things + his hair was short.
You know, you look so much presentable. Now you're so sleazy. Hahaha.

(PLEASE DON'T GO)

2009-06-27T03:27:00.002+08:00

Time check and it has been twenty-eight minutes past three on a Saturday morning. I'm fucking elated for obvious reasons I do not need to be anymore clearer about. Honestly shagged since I lack the amount of rest these days. Yes, I'm still worked up about the construction that's been going on around my house area lately.

Thirteen more hours until I watch Transformers 2. I'm excited because I'm going to see Megan Fox on screen. No matter how big her picture may be, I tell you. I don't care. Ha ha ha. I'm probably guessing Mamat and Agus already watched her before me but I'm glad they haven't rub it in my face yet. Pft.

I love Faizal. The same one since six months ago.

(I'LL EAT WASABE ON MY DUDE)

2009-06-26T15:37:00.003+08:00

REST IN PEACE.

Well, Michael Jackson just passed away. And he was just fifty. He was named as the King of Pop and I think he will always live among us. He made a huge impact and influence with his personal taste and I'm sure he's highly respected by most of us here. Some people just don't bother about him because of his eccentric behavior and his unacceptable change of skin colour but then again, it's God given. So let's pay respect by leaving a moment of silence for him.

(FORGET DRE. IT'S ALL ME)

2009-06-25T05:06:00.003+08:00

Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say

But nothing comes out when they move their lips; just a bunch of gibberish
And motherfuckers act like they forgot about me.

(Fuck you. Fuck you very much.)

(IT'S WHAT NOBODY KNOWS)

2009-06-23T03:03:00.002+08:00

You try to photoshop your face up ever since you put your Myspace up.
No one really cares about how you look, honey. Beauty is only skin deep.

(TOO SEXY FOR MY SEX)

2009-06-22T16:05:00.003+08:00

My mom cooked fish today. It's silly, kay. She tells me it would make me smarter but it's just a trick, I tell you. I mean, I wouldn't waste my own effort just to be extra careful not to choke or chew on a fish bone. And it's pathetic if I were to choke on something needle-like. It would be more pathetic if I were to die choking from it. If I were to eat fish, it means that my eyes have to peel for bones, so what for eat fish. Waste my time and effort only. Something so mild that won't even keep me full for a day. Lol. And besides that, sometimes the fish tends to stink so it really pulls down the appetite. And that is my, my fellow friends, I don't like fish. So don't try to act all concerned about my eating habits if I choose cup noodles over fish.

Mint messaged me today. Am I elated or what?
Or what lah. I just pray he'll be able to meet me on Friday.
Me and you guys to see him bald! Fat chance but I must try before I die!
Lol sia.

(SELL FISH)

2009-06-22T05:38:00.002+08:00

The earth is dying just because people refuse to take the public transport and carry their own recycling bags. The sharks are fin-less and the whales are whaled. The seals are clubbed and the artic ice is stained in red blood. Ignore the melting ice. And ignore the gas that burned the atmosphere that's keeping us alive. Because as long as everyone's earning money, the world is fine. Money makes the world go round. Bullshit. It's just paper, plastic and a few chips of metal dyed with faces of dead people who also.. didn't make a difference to the world.

(UNMASK KAKASHI)

2009-06-16T01:48:00.003+08:00

LOL. So cute.
Don't ask me why I like this anime so much.

(PET SOCIETY)

2009-06-14T22:23:00.003+08:00

MEN-to the edge-DAK!

Will be away from Tuesday to (six days from that).
I'm off to Pulau Redang gedegang berdagang, well, that's what I think that is..

I'm practically feeling too lazy to even pack my bags though but hope you'll miss me, bitches.
XOXO.

(Lol, Paris style.)

(KU TAHU KU TAKKAN PERNAH SETIA KASIH)

2009-06-14T00:20:00.002+08:00

Aku tersedar dari tidurku apabila telefon bimbitku berdering di sebelah telinga. Mata ku yang masih kuyu tidak bermaya untuk melihat waktu atau telefon. Aku mengangkat panggilan dengan segera kerana berpastian ia perkara penting atau serius. Apabila aku meletakkan telefon kepada telinga, hatiku retak seribu apabila mendengar suara seorang wanita yang amat.. menyeramkan. Setelah meletakkan panggilan, aku terasa terganggu hingga tidak boleh terlelap lagi. Aduhai. Mengapakah ku masih berasa segan? Adakah sidia berpura-pura sahaja tidak tahu hubungan aku dan anaknya ataupun dia kebenarannya tidak mahu aku bersamanya dan inginkan ku pastikan sahaja. Tetapi walaubagaimanapun, ku kan redha dan menantinya sahaja. Apakah rasanya cinta tanpa rindu, ya?

Ku tak kisah dengan perasaan mu terhadapnya tapi ingin ku mencari kepastian anda. Bukankah kamu yang meluahkan perasaan mu padaku sekarang? Cuba melupakannya sebentar. Berikanlah ku waktu untuk membuktikan yang kasih diberinya tiada setaraf bersama aku. Lol. Sorry, I was Fuch-inspired.

(SOMEBODY TOLD ME)

2009-06-13T04:09:00.002+08:00

A friend told me "ini semua chill lah saw. you just have to wait for that one day. dont terburu buru." And I replied that ".. life's too short to wait for someone. just grab everything and go. give things a try. it might hurt me but it won't kill me."

But two weeks is not long for me to wait. And there's no fuss over fury for it. I'm on a golden mile to road El-Optimism. And step one is to endure fourteen days without my smexy. Lol. Let's see how patient I can get before I explode.

Lurvvvve ya dicks. Thanks for sticking up to my ass and cheering me on.

(1, 2, 3, 4)

2009-06-11T15:44:00.003+08:00

"There's only one thing two do, three words four you..
I love you."

"One, two, three, four..
Uno, dos, tres, quatro."

Lol. We're different but that's what makes me attracted to you. I'm like Hinata, pondering over Naruto but it hurts me because Naruto's secretly in love with Sakura. But Sakura's too obsessed with Sasuke. And I'm obsessed with the anime. Ha ha ha. But treat me like Hinata lah, please.

(Mati-mati! Ha ha ha.)

(EXIST)

2009-06-10T02:48:00.004+08:00

“It is not love that is blind, but jealousy.”
-Lawrence Durrell

If I care means that I love you yet I'm feeling kinda jealous. Then I don't think it's love at all. Urm, I'm pretty much confused. My thoughts are like jumbled up right now. I cannot think of anything else to say. So why don't you help me build a word?

It's time to build a word, let's build it, let's build it now!
A-F-F-E-C-T-I-O-N

Yeah, we just built a word. We built it, we built it, yeah!
Trust in my affection for you.

(PLAYER)

2009-06-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

I just changed my blog skin, well, you know.. It looked so nice when Joe was in the picture but then again, what the heck. I'm actually doing myself a nice thing by not hating him btw. Tenting is postponed to tomorrow and I can't wait. Facebook is lagging everytime I come back. There's practically nothing to do these days.

(GIRLY MAN)

2009-06-07T12:24:00.002+08:00

It's mid-day and I'm so fucking shagged. I just came home after a long night spent with Mint and Prata. Prata had a family chalet and I don't know why the rest didn't make it but oh well, at least there was food. Prata left for the first bus and Mint and I.. Kita chilly girly man because there was no rush.

SING APA SING SONG.
SING SONG SELAGA UNTUK KAMU.
_|_

WTF layankan karena orang gila waktu lapan pagi kan.

(KENANGAN SILAM AKU DAN DIA)

2009-06-06T03:22:00.002+08:00

Fuch is such a sweetheart. She uploaded like, this picture? I remember everyone being eager to buy hair dye at Bedok and then going to Fuch's to dye. Fuch was persistive of cutting bangs and Iika wanted to dye her hair although it wasn't her school holidays yet. LOL. I look so fucking minah sia! It's three in the morning and I'm still awake. I don't know why. This picture just brought me excitement.

KIMEK. PECAH SIA MINAHHHHHHHH!

(WAKDUH WAKDUH)

2009-06-05T14:59:00.003+08:00

I wanted to blog on Multiply but my server was down so I'm backed up here. It's three o' clock in the afternoon and I'm pretty shagged. My eyes are ridiculously hefty from the lack of sleep that I just had. I thought Mamat was supposed to take me out today but he got caught up with work. He promised a treat soon so I guess I'm going to be ahead of him and bake first.

I came home around eight in the morning today. I was so friggin' tired I flagged a cab home instead of walking to Parkway Parade with Mint. I had a great time with you darling, and the rest too. Kau pasti comel sangat hingga kene kuti di dahi. Wakduh, wakduh.

So yeah, I dragged my feet to bed the moment I came home. I slept at around nine and woke up disturbed by one o' clock. The construction area around my block is seriously annoying. They won't stop hitting the bricks until five or six in the afternoon. Gee. It's so irrational that they only start renovating during my June holiday. I wish sleeping was easy. Hmm.

(REPLACEABLE)

2009-06-04T19:40:00.004+08:00

You say you love but you're never there for me. You'll be crying, slowly dying when I decide to leave. All we do is make up then break up. Why don't we wake up and see when love hurts it won't work. Maybe we need some time alone. We need to let it breathe

(KONOMI)

2009-05-31T03:40:00.003+08:00

I was like, fourteen at that time? LOL. I look so budak. And my sister looks like a creep smiling like that. It's almost four and I'm feeling so fatigued. I'm still having lack of sleep since I woke up early today. I just had a trim on my fringe and I think I'm going to regret it now. I'll be busy today with a bake fest. And then Monday's my MT 'O' level papers. Please wish me luck, I really want to like.. Achieve something for my malay language. He he he.

KONOMI crispy seaweed, yumm.

(WAY BACK IN LOVE)

2009-05-28T16:07:00.003+08:00

Uhh, I found these old pictures in a classmate's phone and I think it was sweet that finally, I was in it. Ha ha ha ha. Well, you see.. My classmates and I, we don't really click.

We were like, in secondary three? I'm definitely the shortest one in class with a bad hair-did. Sue was just covering up hers' with extensions. Lol. This was before Dayah even planned to have a baby. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, and Syafiq and Eddy were still with us. Mr Lim was the best form teacher I've ever had because I was often caught for smelling of cigarettes and even was found red-handed of the possession. Lol. Sweet, sweet memories.

And this was in secondary four I think because Syafiq and Eddy had already quit school. I don't even remember who the teacher was actually. Dayah was out already since err, she already planned to keep her baby. Lol. And most of all, I miss Kimberly most. Ha ha ha, again, memories.

Then now, the numbers are closing in and our class strength is only twenty-five. Pathetic, actually. Well, for those whose going to make it for O' levels, you guys better grow up and buck up. Or else.. Lol. Art schools or ITE. Ha ha ha ha.

(NO BROKEN HEARTED GIRL HERE)

2009-05-25T14:56:00.002+08:00

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you, babe.
:)

(LOLROFLLMFAOAFKTTYLTTYN)

2009-05-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I'd like to congratulate myself.

*does a secret handshake on myself*

We're like fuckinggggggg progressing. Mhmm, mhmm. We're five months old. Jeng, jeng, jeng. Well I hope I can just break my own record.

Happy monthsary baby, wherever you are! I'll get an MC then we go jolly berpesta, ya? I want to play chopsticks again!

(TAKING BACK MY LOVE)

2009-04-29T19:28:00.004+08:00

Don't you know? I'm not attached to materials.

Hi, hi.

<--

<--

<--

Does anyone want to bet with me? I will do one simple job.

WILL WORK OUT FOR MONEY.
$$$

Ha ha ha ha.

(2 STUPID DOGS)

2009-04-25T20:21:00.002+08:00

Ha ha ha ha ha. I cannot stop laughing at Joe.

Every single day, every time I pray, I'll be missing you.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Joe's like.. singing gospel.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

(I HAVE SAVED YOU)

2009-04-24T16:55:00.003+08:00

Bored. Bored. Literally, bored.

I want to go out. I have the choice to. Except I'm not certain about going out with whom. My boyfriend has left the jungle except now, he's in camp. Zz. In camp on a Friday.

Ladies, if your boyfriends' have not been to N.S yet, embrace that. You're going to miss him. And when it happens, ha ha ha. I'm going to laugh at you. Seriously, despite your hundreds and thousands of friends, they're nothing compared to missing the one you really rely on the most. Like, seriously. I mean, in camp, on a Friday. You get to see him only two/ three times a week. And what am I supposed to do about it? Well, I just can't do anything. Lol.

I miss Joe.

(221208)

2009-04-22T00:13:00.002+08:00

Happy fourth monthsary, b.

Like you know. Yada, yada. Less talk and more action. Pejam kelip, pejam kelip. See, I'm proving that I can be faithful and stick to one.

Like I always say, baru empat bulan, belum empat tahun. Ha ha ha ha. K, ahhwieeee.

I miss you, Faizal.

(HOW MUCH OF A MINAH AM I?)

2009-04-17T23:25:00.003+08:00

78%: Minah In Denial

The Minah Golden Rule: You are only a minah if you deny being a Minah. A Malay girl is by default a Minah, mana mau lari beb? You may dress in Zara/Topshop/River Island, you eat at nice restaurants and your room only holds Ikea furniture, but then once in a while, when someone in the train calls you a minah, do we hear a, "EH PUKIMAK KAU AR! SIAPA KAU PANGGIL MINAH NI?"

It's sad. Disappointing, hilarious but sadly, it's true. Ha ha ha. Do you know it insults me so badly? There was so many questions that I couldn't answer. For example, the question asked about my favourite Malay food. And I had to choose among sambal gering, asam pedas, rending and ayam masak marah. Ha ha ha ha. Terpaku siaaaa baca itu soalan.

You can take the quiz on Facebook.

(SMOKING CAUSES GANGRENE?)

2009-04-15T23:03:00.003+08:00

Ouch, meowch. I, got dumped? Out of something? Okay, despite my "contributions" but still.. Anyway, I've only a few words to say. And it goes.. HA HA HA HA HA. I'm going to pretend that it actually hurts me deep down. *sobs* I'm just glad that Azri had the guts. I love euuuuuu.

(IN SOMNIAC)

2009-04-10T12:42:00.003+08:00

{grins} For once I think that my eyes were wide enough to open. But I feel like my teeth somehow got in the way. Ha ha ha. I'm going to miss you faggots. Well, some only. But still. <3<3<3

(POKE HER FACE)

2009-04-07T16:54:00.002+08:00

I have this urge to run up to people and laugh into their faces and point at their eyebrows. I'll be like, "kak, er, I tak tau kalau u sedar ke tak kan, tapi.. I rasa ada orang conteng muka kakak dengan marker ah. Kalau nak draw pon, resemble lah kening manusia tu sikit." Ha ha ha ha. Confirm fuyou. Steam kedegak. Lawak di belakang Serawak.

I thank God my eyebrows are fine. They may not have a nice shape but I hella love them, well atleast I've the little hairs that define my brows. Unlike those typical girls. You know. Yuck. Eye sore. I saw. I'm Saw. See-saw. See, Saw!

Kameha meha!

(STEAM KEDEGAK)

2009-04-06T00:34:00.002+08:00

I'll show you how much my shit stinks and ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful. They think I'm disposable, well, both my thumbs' opposable are spelled out on a double word and triple letter score.

(AZRI BIN ERR.. NAMA BAPAK TAK CONFIDENT AH)

2009-04-03T00:26:00.002+08:00

Selamat Hari Jadi ke-19, Azri bin (nama bapak kau aku tak confident sangat, sorry). Bukan saje dia shuffler. Rambut dia pon da black is back is black is back. Aku tunggu satu hari aku dapat blackmail kau sebelum kau blackmail tentang gambar ez-link aku. Since kau da 19 kan, aku harap kau kurangkan kau nye feeling-feeling masih muda kay. Skate scooter eh? Pinjam Fad nye anak sedara nye scooter stakat antar aku di park. Lawlzzzzzzz. Dan sekali lagi, may God bless you. Or should I say it, belasah you. Ha ha ha ha. Sygsyg<333

(UN/DEAD)

2009-04-01T01:58:00.001+08:00

I'm getting used to this nuisance,
And all the fags who bad mouth.
It's fucking stupid and foolish of you to think you can do this.

You cowards.

(TWENTY FOUR)

2009-03-30T07:13:00.000+08:00

I hope that one day you'll come to realize,
How perfect you are when seen through my eyes.

(CHERISH)

2009-03-29T01:36:00.000+08:00

You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling unappreciated.

(FUEGO)

2009-03-27T00:52:00.001+08:00

Let your emotions be fuel to your flame
Being on fire will keep you awake
If somebody yells out "hey, stop, drop, and roll!"
Say "that might save my skin, but it won't save my soul.

that might save my skin, but it won't save my soul."

(BELLE & SEBASTIAN)

2009-03-25T00:42:00.001+08:00

The rumour is you never go with boys and you are tight
So they jab you with a fork, you drop the tray and go berserk
While you're cleaning up the mess the teacher's looking up your skirt

Hey you've been used
Are you calm? Settle down
Write a song, I'll sing along
Soon you will know that you are sane
You're on top of the world again

Monday morning wake up knowing that you've gotta go to school

(BARRY LOUIS POLISAR)

2009-03-23T01:50:00.001+08:00

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

(SILENT BUT STRONG)

2009-03-22T14:03:00.002+08:00

So I heard (because I've no time to sit around and listen to people silently backstabbing other people) that some people actually have the nerve to disapprove of people's boyfriends/ girlfriends and etc. And all I'm trying to express is that. Why the hell? If you've all the time to talk about others, sial lah. Let's start with your life.

Your boyfriend's face so 'retak seribu'. And then you want to talk about someone else's boyfriend. Shameless. Like an old traditional saying goes, "jangan menjaga tepi kain orang." So yeah, favour ah. Your mouth ah.. You know that people complain to me about you? Telinga berbulu (not technically) dengar kau peh cerita. I'm getting sick of this routine. So go whine about it to your caring boyfriend and best-est b.f.f instead of telling other people how bad their boyfriends' are. And best part is that I don't even want to be involved with you.

Gi hisap lah. Aku viva la vida 18. I live and die for 18. Hahahaha.
Damnit sia, brain aku peewee sized sia.

P/S. Happy monthsary, baby. Jenjeng, see you later.

(BASS FISHING)

2009-03-21T13:55:00.002+08:00

(Swilley and Mondz were dancing.)

I have no reason to blog here, actually. Let's just say that Aleley is so kiyoooootttttzxzxz. You kiyoootie_pie. Hisap ah kiyoootie_pie punye. Lol.

(GIVE ME ALL OF YOU)

2009-03-19T08:57:00.002+08:00

It's a minute to nine in the morning and I'm feeling so shagged in the morning. I couldn't sleep well last night, you know.. Guilty conscious feeling. And I must've been stupid to actually walk away instead of just settling down with my boyfriend. And it sucks.

And I know everyone has their own problems and issues, but then again. It's ironic that people manipulate others just to get that pinch of satisfaction. Some people have this fear of losing the ones they love and then again, what the fuck is up with being insecure? The world isn't going anywhere and neither are these people you stay true to as "friends". So, take a chill pill. Relax. You don't need to make a huge fuss about everything. These are all.. smaller pieces.

OMGZXZXZXZXZ, Pet Society is so kiiyoooottt!
{stunned} Kay, kau bangsat. Kau bangsat. Sundal. Sundal. Pukimak kau. Babi anjing. Berani engkau menipu aku. Hak-hak hak-hak ha, hak hak-hak ha. (Aleleleyy mengajar mencaci).

(DAY 26)

2009-03-16T14:41:00.004+08:00

You gotta guy but he ain't nothing like mine.
{grunts}

Cranky ah buto. CELIK mata je orang berbual pasal makanan. Abe tak pasal-pasal berbual kunik. Orang pm, tak reply, terus offline. Sudah lah! Takya jumpa. Lagi mulia aku duduk rumah. Selesai masalah.

(FAICE BOOK)

2009-03-14T20:42:00.002+08:00

That is Mondz and Munyimon.
Sessioning.

Cute right. I like to visit Munyimon because he has two guitars. And who is Munyimon? Mizam's Pet Society pet. Mondz is supposed to be a girl but she looks boyish. She doesn't wear pants or shoes. And Munyimon doesn't wear a t-shirt. Comel kan. So excited to upgrade my house. lolololol.

4 room flat, here I come.
P/S. Joe is coming home tonight.

(RUNAWAY LOVE)

2009-03-14T02:43:00.002+08:00

And guess what's so demoralizing at two o'clock in the morning?

1. My boyfriend is not around.
2. N.E.R.D.'S concert has already been sold out.
3. My boyfriend is not around for me to sulk to.

This sucks. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

But on a brighter note, I'm planning to get my monroe by next week.

(SHE WANTS TO MOVE)

2009-03-12T16:39:00.003+08:00

Like oh my God, N.E.R.D is coming to Singapore! {shrieks like a fanatic} He he, alright. I admit that I'm thrilled. And I really want to go. I mean, Pharrell Williams? If anyone wants to go, without a doubt.. Email me (saw@live.com.sg). Students get tix as cheap as fourty bucks.

19th March 2009 - Esplanade Hall

(HIP HIP)

2009-03-11T00:37:00.001+08:00

Tengah chill nie.. Lagu pon chilling. Jom, relek bersama saya.
Oops, da kene book lah.

Besok jumpa Fiz.
Kita chill. Chillamakkau! Lemau.

I love my boyfriend. ha ha ha ha ha

(THE REMEDY)

2009-03-09T14:28:00.004+08:00

When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why

I won't worry my life away
I won't worry my life away
I won't and I won't and I won't..

I am tempted to crawl over my bed and lean my head on the pillow and just let the breeze take over me. I can't help myself. This uncomfortable weather makes me miss the time spent together. And it freaks me because I kind of want to cuddle in your arms right now. I want to lie asleep and dream of us. And the chilly wind gave me a craving for minestrone (for you) and chicken alphabet soup for me. Ha ha. I don't know lah. I just miss the attention from my boyfriend.

(NO ES AMOR)

2009-03-06T13:31:00.003+08:00

How do you deal with disappointment?

About your best friend who is having the possibility of going far away from you?
I've not been a pious Muslim but I'll pray that you'll be withdrawn.

I love you, best friend.
Chin up, okay? I'll start being a better best friend.
{grins}

(DADDY SAID STAY AWAY FROM JULIET)

2009-03-04T16:03:00.003+08:00

"If love be rough with you, be rough with love.
Prick love for pricking and you beat love down."

(MAYBE/ HAS BEEN)

2009-03-01T14:30:00.002+08:00

I've stopped trying to figure out people.
Smart idea. I know.

(SO HARD)

2009-02-27T00:21:00.004+08:00

I don't want to take my past and put it all on you.
And I don't want to lose a good thing.

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him. Oh well, everyone said "you have to give him some time" and I'm glad that I gave it to him because now everything's fine. Now you see, I never thought you'd be a constant person in my life. You might have thought you didn't teach me much but you taught me right from wrong. And it was when you didn't keep in touch.. Well, it taught me to be strong. I wouldn't change you for the world because I know you'll always love me very much.

Two months and counting. And I'm not going to mess up this relationship.

(INSERT YOUR CAPTIVITY)

2009-02-26T17:24:00.005+08:00

This is one reason why I hate staying home. I hate being a victim.

I prefer the fact that my presence at home is not greeted.

Brown eyes

2009-02-25T19:59:00.003+08:00

I know that he loves me cause he told me so.

I love my sex.

2009-02-23T07:17:00.002+08:00

One snappy post before I'm off to school.

I love you, Joeeee.
{coughs}

Twenty-three.

I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.

I found Glory!

2009-02-22T04:25:00.003+08:00

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me.

Death Upon Arrival dah Dead After Arrived. Sungguh seronok! I secretly enjoyed myself being sandwiched between Aidil and Mizam. Lol. Finally got to meet Azri Scarletbow. Ate at Zam Zam after the gig and walked to Raffles. Lepak rabak until sleepy. Nerd was there, so macam tak awkward sangat since ada kawan. Aku ingin nak upload gambar-gambar gig tetapi battery camera flat to the extent takle on langsung. Tapi it's oke geng. Aku akan upload pagi ni juga demi jiwa kawan-kawan.

Too sexy for my socks.

2009-02-17T22:53:00.002+08:00

I had my geography common test today. Usually, I have the confidence in passing all my previous tests. The marks came as satisfying as my expectations but all hope was lost during this very common test. I don't know what's so hard about geography. Maybe it's the impacts and factors that make things so hard to remember.. Or maybe the teacher's not been brief. Or maybe... Just maybe.. I lost my interest in geography. Whichever goes, I will start hoping for good results. O' levels are nowhere near N' levels.

I was informed that I was I will be having a Contactless e-Purse Application (CEPAS) by tomorrow. Dad just handed me money to top-up my concession fare so that my CEPAS won't only have five bucks. So, today, in the wee hours before evening, I left home in despair (last minute, actually) to meet Syafiq at Bedok Central. We topped up our cards before walking to Chai Chee. I caught up a lot with him over the past few months of not literally talking.

Anyway, I miss my boyfriend.
And I can't wait for 21st February.

Too itchy for my panties.

2009-02-16T18:41:00.011+08:00

Click pictures to enlarge.
My era from 2006- today.

I was fourteen.
(December 2006)

Faisal a.k.a Dayus.
(March 2007)

FGB. I still don't understand why people hated us for this.
(June 2007)

Adi, Karmillah, me, Zacky and Sri.
(October 2007)

(October 2007)

Shinx, mama and I.
(October 2007)

Rara, Irfaan, Adri and I.
(November 2007)

Suzie, Ijal, Shahila, Sri, Irwan, Haikel, Adip, Zul, Bimo, Lufee, Rara, me, Rina.
(December 2007)

(December 2007)

Damnation in Enigma performing at DXO.
With Nerd and Ash Niggs.
(February 2008)

(March 2008)

With Riri, Rara, Ekin, Emma, Iffah, Shahila, Sri, Karmillah and Murni.
When we were still sane.
(Somewhere March- April 2008)

Scrabble with Sri and Yantero.
(April 2008)

Bubbles.
(April 2008)

With Sri, Iffah, Murni and Emma.
(May 2008)

Lioncity Reunite with Azhar.
(June 2008)

(Mid-August 2008)

(September 2008)

(September 2008)

(October 2008)

(October 2008)

(Throughout 2007)

(March 2008)

(February 2009)

I saved the best for last. My three years of companionship with Karmillah. Laugh at how we've been. I put in so much effort just to hunt these pictures down. I miss the old gang. I miss the times when gigs were not important, when we had a life which was more than just sitting around Raffles. In fact, I preferred being at the Marina mirror because we sat so closely to each other. Jiwa case, satu makan Long John, majority tapao makan Long John. Satu beli Starbucks, semua berebut nak jama. Satu gang minum pat tepi corner, lagi satu gang duduk tepi berbual-berbual. Aku goncang Digivice, tiap kali ada battle, Yaqin keluarkan card IC. Wan Tissue dengar lagu Tonight - FM Static, asik-asik repeat. Sri asik-asik nak gi toilet. Khai Nonok pekik "adik! adik!". Part last train, semua berebut nak balik. Pernah ton pat Marina. Apa lagi, Fafa dulu pantang orang tidur time ton. "Siapa tidur kene pijak eh!" Orang semua rebut nak tangkap last train, nanti aku balik ngan Aris. Tunggu 61 or 63. Nanti itu sweetheart jadi aku nye confidante. Wah, kecoh.

Too filthy to function, baby.

2009-02-15T23:41:00.002+08:00

My life revolves too much around school and my boyfriend.
Anything else would be taking fourty winks at home or just spend my hours with a couple of friends. Frankly, been excited to see how Fiz is going to overcome this upcoming gig. I won't look forward to anything because righttt, the gig's meant for the public. So, that means I cannot kick the faces I don't like from the gig. Oh please, Fiz. Enforce my law. Can? {laughs}

Been saving money. And it's good, right?
For very difficult events.

21/ 02- Dragging my boyfriend to a gig.
22/ 02- Our second monthsary.
23/ 02- My boyfriend's birthday.

My sister had this crazy idea of splitting money to get a flat-screen LCD fixed in our room. If I was still working, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I still owe Singtel! Thus, I want to get a second phone.

Breathless.

2009-02-15T22:55:00.001+08:00

You leave me breathless
You're everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can't believe that you're mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams

So beautiful you're leaving me..
Breathless.

The Valentine's Day massacre

2009-02-15T13:35:00.002+08:00

Home-made cookies for my boyfriend.

HUH?!?!
Valentine's? Sorry, it's no occasion for us.
{giggles}

He made me cry!
But I love that boy so much.

Can't hold me down.

2009-02-13T13:34:00.005+08:00

Here's something I just can't understand.

If the guy has three girls then he's the man. He can either give us some head; sex her off. But if the girl does the same, then she's a whore?

{grunts}

You're just a little boy. Think you're so cute, so coy. You must talk so big to make up for small little things. So you're just a little boy. All you'll do is annoy.

Live your life.

2009-02-11T07:02:00.005+08:00

Hello, happy troopers. I would like to share this Onion phase, where it will happen in sometimes of your life. I read it off Memoirs of a Geisha and stumbled upon a similar phrase on the net. So, hidup kita biar ibaratkan sebagai bawang.

"Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep."
- Carl Sandburg.

Bitch, if you want to weep. Just let yourself fucking weep.
It's good to roll a few tears out every once in a while.

Especially after a huge loss.

I know you know.

2009-02-10T17:55:00.004+08:00

"Sometimes the smartest remark is silence..
What better advise to follow than your own."

I still hate the thought of spending Valentine's at my granny's all for the sake of my uncle's engagement. {eye rolls}

Making Restitution.

2009-02-08T13:58:00.007+08:00

Are you still the one I used to know?
Where is the fire in your eyes?
Do you remember all the things we used to share?
Your strong words gave hope to me so many times
But now there's only silence when we meet

These are the darkest of your days, where are your thousand friends?
And who will guide you through the night as all the light went out?

Everyone is trying to give a fuck about everyone's else feelings just to make them feel better. They call us busybodies. Well, they take their concern to listen to her anyway. Squirming through your innocence, you're only believed from what you have to say. All you want is sympathy from the ones who like you. Little do they know the deepest parts of you. She knows you well enough to trust you to be her best friend. You're nothing of a friend compared to me. And that's all that'll ever be.

"SEANDAINYA, BERI TAHU AKU.. BAHAWA BAHAGIAN MANA AKU TIDAK MEMAHAMI DIRI KAMU DENGAN SEPENUHNYA ATAU SECUKUPNYA ? DAN SIAPA KAH YANG KAMU MENCARI BILA KAMU ADA MASALAH DENGAN PACAR KAMU SENDIRI ? SIAPA KAH YANG SELALU MENOLONG KAMU BERBUAL KEPADA ORANG YANG KETIGA ? SIAPA KAH YANG KAMU SELALU CARI APABILA KAMU HENDAK MEMBERI TAHU TENGTANG RAHSIA KAMU ?
JIKA-KALAU KAMU FIKIR AKU ADALAH TEMAN KAMU YANG TIDAK BERGUNA, TINGGAL KAN SAHAJA AKU INI. AKU TIDAK PASAL KERANA, AKU TAHU KAMU ADA PELBAGAI TEMAN DI LUAR SANA. AKU TIDAK HERAN JIKA KAMU HENDAK MASIH MELARI KAN DIRI DARI MASALAH INI, KERANA MASALAH INI TIDAK AKAN KEMANA, CUMA HANYA MEMBUAT PERKARA LEBIH SUSAH. HA-HA. SIKIT PON KAU TIDAK AKAN HERAN APA AKU BARU KATA. MENGADU LAH KAMU DENGAN SESIAPA KAMU HENDAK, SEBAB KAMU TIDAK MENHIRAUKAN TENTANG PERKARA INI. AKU TIDAK ADA MASA UNTUK MENDENGAR KAMU HENDAK MEMINTA MAAF DENGAN AKU. KAMU SUNGGUH MENGENALI AKU BAHAWA AKU PANTANG ORANG MEMINTA MAAF SAHAJA TERHADAP KESILAPAN MEREKA. APA YANG AKU MAHU DENGAR DARI KAMU ADALAH PENJELASAN, TETAPI KERANA AKU MASIH MARAH DENGAN KAMU, SEDIKIT PUN AKU MENGHIRAUKAN. BUAT PERTAMA KALI, AKU SUNGGUH KECEWE TERHADAP GERAK-GERI KAMU. AKU MAHU KAMU SEDAR SENDIRI, KAMU BUKAN 6 TAHUN, TAPI 16 TAHUN !" - makingrestitution.

Stay true.

2009-02-07T14:22:00.002+08:00

The only thing that's going to bother me
Is that you'll all call yourselves my friends.

Everyone knows everyone.

2009-02-06T13:19:00.005+08:00

"Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is."

I can't stand that we're all connected.
And I miss the days when I only knew my friends.
The whole world thinks they know all about me.
But they'll miss the day when they only knew without me.
And I miss the days when I was excited about seeing the new things.
It seems so long ago now that we're all virtually connected.
And I miss the days when I only knew my friends.

People just don't know when to stop talking, don't they?
A minute, when they're feeling miserable, they take you as their confidante. A minute after, his secrets are revealed and you wished you was never there for him. {shakes head} And right now, we're talking about how much effort that has been put through just to define our anger and hatred for one another. Well if you think winning with words and dignity will get you anywhere.. No, it doesn't. It only proves that you are one-sided. Girls are humans and we have feelings to. We cannot just express views from what we listen to. We're dependent on our own thoughts and thinking. We all live alone and die alone anyway.

Doesn't mean our eyes don't meet mean that we're totally of different views.
And p/s: we're not in a war, so what on Earth are we all fighting for?

Sadist.

2009-02-05T18:14:00.001+08:00

No one give a fuck, and no one gives a shit.
You deserve it, even through your innocence.
The truth doesn't matter because lies can shatter.
Wrongfully accused.
The prosecutors powers abused.
They can't keep their jobs if they fucking lose.

But we're all victims, succumbed to our primitive emotions.
Such a fucking disgrace.
If the system is flawed why must we still act a abroad and allow this fraud?
Why are we still so attached to the past?
The human mind is unsurpassed.

Hypocrites, we eat their bullshit.
We allow anyone to suck our dicks.
Fuck this old way of thinking
If this is all in the name of God, why are you drinking?
Why are you getting fucked like a whore and still begging for more?

Masochist.

2009-02-04T22:25:00.002+08:00

We all live constricted because we're addicted to the mental pain that's inflicted.
Gratification through temptation and its sensation.
Incapable of relations, we create false elations.
The pain becomes unbearable hard.
We're all full of these scars.
I'll end the hurt with glass shards.
I'll bleed it dry as I gauge my eyes.
I'll cut away the pain I despise.

I am relished with joy as I discover that my ignorance is a blessing. The both of you seem so happy together but neither of you are able to solve your own personal problems on your own. {laughs} I didn't mean to intervene your personal lives but then again, I don't know why other people have to tell me these things about you. I have friends who tell me they miss me being around but there's a replacement now. I've only a boyfriend to prioritize then waste my time in the same public areas weekly to talk about the same things and it's cycles. Besides, eww. Slut alert.

Monroe.

2009-02-04T20:40:00.003+08:00

I had the guts to pierce my upper lip today.

I was wailing in pain while relishing my fingernails upon Fizz, crying blindfolded. Everything seemed fine when until the 2.0 millimeter hollow pin decided to fail me. It didn't pierce through the inside walls of my lip. I couldn't do anything but tell Fuch to let it out. I will get my Monroe someday. I will!

Act appalled.

2009-02-03T22:46:00.000+08:00

You walk straight, not like them
To fool them in, make it seem like you're in trouble
Make a sound, fake it enough
"What made you so scared?"
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares

If you remember.
I've been trying to get back to the center
I'm sure
It's not like it was before

To make them drink
Tell them that it's only water
No one leaves till we figure this out
"What made you so scared?"
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares

If you remember,
I've been trying to get back to the center
I'm sure
it's not like it was before

Patience, both we and our words are over produced, by influence.