Waiting for this new perspective,
that these hands are better off empty.

PROFILE

Saw Zaini's Facebook Profile
LOL I'm an itchy witch. I used to curse blogger but all my friends just wouldn't relink me so here I am.. once again.

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FRIENDS
Adie
Ajie
Ashrah
Azri
Fahmi
Faris
Fizzaye
Fuck5ierra
Hfz
Ira
Min
Mussybart
Sabrina
Syafiq
Yantoi
Zacky
Zeerotika

PAST
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
(SO HARD)
Friday, February 27, 2009 12:21 AM


I don't want to take my past and put it all on you.
And I don't want to lose a good thing.

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him. Oh well, everyone said "you have to give him some time" and I'm glad that I gave it to him because now everything's fine. Now you see, I never thought you'd be a constant person in my life. You might have thought you didn't teach me much but you taught me right from wrong. And it was when you didn't keep in touch.. Well, it taught me to be strong. I wouldn't change you for the world because I know you'll always love me very much.

Two months and counting. And I'm not going to mess up this relationship.

(INSERT YOUR CAPTIVITY)
Thursday, February 26, 2009 5:24 PM


This is one reason why I hate staying home. I hate being a victim.

I prefer the fact that my presence at home is not greeted.

Brown eyes
Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:59 PM



I know that he loves me cause he told me so.

I love my sex.
Monday, February 23, 2009 7:17 AM


One snappy post before I'm off to school.

I love you, Joeeee.
{coughs}

Twenty-three.

I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.

I found Glory!
Sunday, February 22, 2009 4:25 AM


I don't care what you think as long as it's about me.

Death Upon Arrival dah Dead After Arrived. Sungguh seronok! I secretly enjoyed myself being sandwiched between Aidil and Mizam. Lol. Finally got to meet Azri Scarletbow. Ate at Zam Zam after the gig and walked to Raffles. Lepak rabak until sleepy. Nerd was there, so macam tak awkward sangat since ada kawan. Aku ingin nak upload gambar-gambar gig tetapi battery camera flat to the extent takle on langsung. Tapi it's oke geng. Aku akan upload pagi ni juga demi jiwa kawan-kawan.

Too sexy for my socks.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009 10:53 PM


I had my geography common test today. Usually, I have the confidence in passing all my previous tests. The marks came as satisfying as my expectations but all hope was lost during this very common test. I don't know what's so hard about geography. Maybe it's the impacts and factors that make things so hard to remember.. Or maybe the teacher's not been brief. Or maybe... Just maybe.. I lost my interest in geography. Whichever goes, I will start hoping for good results. O' levels are nowhere near N' levels.

I was informed that I was I will be having a Contactless e-Purse Application (CEPAS) by tomorrow. Dad just handed me money to top-up my concession fare so that my CEPAS won't only have five bucks. So, today, in the wee hours before evening, I left home in despair (last minute, actually) to meet Syafiq at Bedok Central. We topped up our cards before walking to Chai Chee. I caught up a lot with him over the past few months of not literally talking.

Anyway, I miss my boyfriend.
And I can't wait for 21st February.

Too itchy for my panties.
Monday, February 16, 2009 6:41 PM


Click pictures to enlarge.
My era from 2006- today.



I was fourteen.
(December 2006)



Faisal a.k.a Dayus.
(March 2007)



FGB. I still don't understand why people hated us for this.
(June 2007)



Adi, Karmillah, me, Zacky and Sri.
(October 2007)



(October 2007)



Shinx, mama and I.
(October 2007)



Rara, Irfaan, Adri and I.
(November 2007)



Suzie, Ijal, Shahila, Sri, Irwan, Haikel, Adip, Zul, Bimo, Lufee, Rara, me, Rina.
(December 2007)



(December 2007)



Damnation in Enigma performing at DXO.
With Nerd and Ash Niggs.
(February 2008)



(March 2008)



With Riri, Rara, Ekin, Emma, Iffah, Shahila, Sri, Karmillah and Murni.
When we were still sane.
(Somewhere March- April 2008)



Scrabble with Sri and Yantero.
(April 2008)


Bubbles.
(April 2008)



With Sri, Iffah, Murni and Emma.
(May 2008)



Lioncity Reunite with Azhar.
(June 2008)



(Mid-August 2008)



(September 2008)



(September 2008)



(October 2008)



(October 2008)



(Throughout 2007)



(March 2008)



(February 2009)

I saved the best for last. My three years of companionship with Karmillah. Laugh at how we've been. I put in so much effort just to hunt these pictures down. I miss the old gang. I miss the times when gigs were not important, when we had a life which was more than just sitting around Raffles. In fact, I preferred being at the Marina mirror because we sat so closely to each other. Jiwa case, satu makan Long John, majority tapao makan Long John. Satu beli Starbucks, semua berebut nak jama. Satu gang minum pat tepi corner, lagi satu gang duduk tepi berbual-berbual. Aku goncang Digivice, tiap kali ada battle, Yaqin keluarkan card IC. Wan Tissue dengar lagu Tonight - FM Static, asik-asik repeat. Sri asik-asik nak gi toilet. Khai Nonok pekik "adik! adik!". Part last train, semua berebut nak balik. Pernah ton pat Marina. Apa lagi, Fafa dulu pantang orang tidur time ton. "Siapa tidur kene pijak eh!" Orang semua rebut nak tangkap last train, nanti aku balik ngan Aris. Tunggu 61 or 63. Nanti itu sweetheart jadi aku nye confidante. Wah, kecoh.

Too filthy to function, baby.
Sunday, February 15, 2009 11:41 PM


My life revolves too much around school and my boyfriend.
Anything else would be taking fourty winks at home or just spend my hours with a couple of friends. Frankly, been excited to see how Fiz is going to overcome this upcoming gig. I won't look forward to anything because righttt, the gig's meant for the public. So, that means I cannot kick the faces I don't like from the gig. Oh please, Fiz. Enforce my law. Can? {laughs}

Been saving money. And it's good, right?
For very difficult events.

21/ 02- Dragging my boyfriend to a gig.
22/ 02- Our second monthsary.
23/ 02- My boyfriend's birthday.

My sister had this crazy idea of splitting money to get a flat-screen LCD fixed in our room. If I was still working, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I still owe Singtel! Thus, I want to get a second phone.

Breathless.
10:55 PM


You leave me breathless
You're everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can't believe that you're mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams

So beautiful you're leaving me..
Breathless.

The Valentine's Day massacre
1:35 PM


Home-made cookies for my boyfriend.

HUH?!?!
Valentine's? Sorry, it's no occasion for us.
{giggles}

He made me cry!
But I love that boy so much.

Can't hold me down.
Friday, February 13, 2009 1:34 PM


Here's something I just can't understand.

If the guy has three girls then he's the man. He can either give us some head; sex her off. But if the girl does the same, then she's a whore?

{grunts}

You're just a little boy. Think you're so cute, so coy. You must talk so big to make up for small little things. So you're just a little boy. All you'll do is annoy.

Live your life.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:02 AM


Hello, happy troopers. I would like to share this Onion phase, where it will happen in sometimes of your life. I read it off Memoirs of a Geisha and stumbled upon a similar phrase on the net. So, hidup kita biar ibaratkan sebagai bawang.

"Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep."
- Carl Sandburg.

Bitch, if you want to weep. Just let yourself fucking weep.
It's good to roll a few tears out every once in a while.

Especially after a huge loss.

I know you know.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009 5:55 PM


"Sometimes the smartest remark is silence..
What better advise to follow than your own."

I still hate the thought of spending Valentine's at my granny's all for the sake of my uncle's engagement. {eye rolls}

Making Restitution.
Sunday, February 8, 2009 1:58 PM


Are you still the one I used to know?
Where is the fire in your eyes?
Do you remember all the things we used to share?
Your strong words gave hope to me so many times
But now there's only silence when we meet

These are the darkest of your days, where are your thousand friends?
And who will guide you through the night as all the light went out?

Everyone is trying to give a fuck about everyone's else feelings just to make them feel better. They call us busybodies. Well, they take their concern to listen to her anyway. Squirming through your innocence, you're only believed from what you have to say. All you want is sympathy from the ones who like you. Little do they know the deepest parts of you. She knows you well enough to trust you to be her best friend. You're nothing of a friend compared to me. And that's all that'll ever be.

"SEANDAINYA, BERI TAHU AKU.. BAHAWA BAHAGIAN MANA AKU TIDAK MEMAHAMI DIRI KAMU DENGAN SEPENUHNYA ATAU SECUKUPNYA ? DAN SIAPA KAH YANG KAMU MENCARI BILA KAMU ADA MASALAH DENGAN PACAR KAMU SENDIRI ? SIAPA KAH YANG SELALU MENOLONG KAMU BERBUAL KEPADA ORANG YANG KETIGA ? SIAPA KAH YANG KAMU SELALU CARI APABILA KAMU HENDAK MEMBERI TAHU TENGTANG RAHSIA KAMU ?
JIKA-KALAU KAMU FIKIR AKU ADALAH TEMAN KAMU YANG TIDAK BERGUNA, TINGGAL KAN SAHAJA AKU INI. AKU TIDAK PASAL KERANA, AKU TAHU KAMU ADA PELBAGAI TEMAN DI LUAR SANA. AKU TIDAK HERAN JIKA KAMU HENDAK MASIH MELARI KAN DIRI DARI MASALAH INI, KERANA MASALAH INI TIDAK AKAN KEMANA, CUMA HANYA MEMBUAT PERKARA LEBIH SUSAH. HA-HA. SIKIT PON KAU TIDAK AKAN HERAN APA AKU BARU KATA. MENGADU LAH KAMU DENGAN SESIAPA KAMU HENDAK, SEBAB KAMU TIDAK MENHIRAUKAN TENTANG PERKARA INI. AKU TIDAK ADA MASA UNTUK MENDENGAR KAMU HENDAK MEMINTA MAAF DENGAN AKU. KAMU SUNGGUH MENGENALI AKU BAHAWA AKU PANTANG ORANG MEMINTA MAAF SAHAJA TERHADAP KESILAPAN MEREKA. APA YANG AKU MAHU DENGAR DARI KAMU ADALAH PENJELASAN, TETAPI KERANA AKU MASIH MARAH DENGAN KAMU, SEDIKIT PUN AKU MENGHIRAUKAN. BUAT PERTAMA KALI, AKU SUNGGUH KECEWE TERHADAP GERAK-GERI KAMU. AKU MAHU KAMU SEDAR SENDIRI, KAMU BUKAN 6 TAHUN, TAPI 16 TAHUN !" - makingrestitution.

Stay true.
Saturday, February 7, 2009 2:22 PM





The only thing that's going to bother me
Is that you'll all call yourselves my friends.

Everyone knows everyone.
Friday, February 6, 2009 1:19 PM


"Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is."

I can't stand that we're all connected.
And I miss the days when I only knew my friends.
The whole world thinks they know all about me.
But they'll miss the day when they only knew without me.
And I miss the days when I was excited about seeing the new things.
It seems so long ago now that we're all virtually connected.
And I miss the days when I only knew my friends.

People just don't know when to stop talking, don't they?
A minute, when they're feeling miserable, they take you as their confidante. A minute after, his secrets are revealed and you wished you was never there for him. {shakes head} And right now, we're talking about how much effort that has been put through just to define our anger and hatred for one another. Well if you think winning with words and dignity will get you anywhere.. No, it doesn't. It only proves that you are one-sided. Girls are humans and we have feelings to. We cannot just express views from what we listen to. We're dependent on our own thoughts and thinking. We all live alone and die alone anyway.

Doesn't mean our eyes don't meet mean that we're totally of different views.
And p/s: we're not in a war, so what on Earth are we all fighting for?

Sadist.
Thursday, February 5, 2009 6:14 PM


No one give a fuck, and no one gives a shit.
You deserve it, even through your innocence.
The truth doesn't matter because lies can shatter.
Wrongfully accused.
The prosecutors powers abused.
They can't keep their jobs if they fucking lose.

But we're all victims, succumbed to our primitive emotions.
Such a fucking disgrace.
If the system is flawed why must we still act a abroad and allow this fraud?
Why are we still so attached to the past?
The human mind is unsurpassed.

Hypocrites, we eat their bullshit.
We allow anyone to suck our dicks.
Fuck this old way of thinking
If this is all in the name of God, why are you drinking?
Why are you getting fucked like a whore and still begging for more?

Masochist.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009 10:25 PM


We all live constricted because we're addicted to the mental pain that's inflicted.
Gratification through temptation and its sensation.
Incapable of relations, we create false elations.
The pain becomes unbearable hard.
We're all full of these scars.
I'll end the hurt with glass shards.
I'll bleed it dry as I gauge my eyes.
I'll cut away the pain I despise.

I am relished with joy as I discover that my ignorance is a blessing. The both of you seem so happy together but neither of you are able to solve your own personal problems on your own. {laughs} I didn't mean to intervene your personal lives but then again, I don't know why other people have to tell me these things about you. I have friends who tell me they miss me being around but there's a replacement now. I've only a boyfriend to prioritize then waste my time in the same public areas weekly to talk about the same things and it's cycles. Besides, eww. Slut alert.

Monroe.
8:40 PM


I had the guts to pierce my upper lip today.

I was wailing in pain while relishing my fingernails upon Fizz, crying blindfolded. Everything seemed fine when until the 2.0 millimeter hollow pin decided to fail me. It didn't pierce through the inside walls of my lip. I couldn't do anything but tell Fuch to let it out. I will get my Monroe someday. I will!

Act appalled.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009 10:46 PM


You walk straight, not like them
To fool them in, make it seem like you're in trouble
Make a sound, fake it enough
"What made you so scared?"
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares

If you remember.
I've been trying to get back to the center
I'm sure
It's not like it was before

To make them drink
Tell them that it's only water
No one leaves till we figure this out
"What made you so scared?"
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares

If you remember,
I've been trying to get back to the center
I'm sure
it's not like it was before

Patience, both we and our words are over produced, by influence.